Let’s be real: you don’t get to pick your coworkers. If you’re lucky, you’ll land in a team full of legends. If not, you’re stuck with someone who makes your skin crawl. Maybe they’re a narcissist. Maybe they constantly drop the ball. Maybe they’re just full of hot air, all talk and zero delivery. Whatever the reason, you don’t respect them—and now you’ve got to work with them. Awesome.
I’ve been there. More than once. And while I’m no saint, I’ve learned that you can still thrive, deliver results, and protect your sanity, even when you’re working with someone you secretly think is a joke.
Here’s how to do it.
First, Get Clear on Why You Don’t Respect Them
Before you start hating every email they send, ask yourself one tough question:
“Why exactly don’t I respect this person?”
You need clarity here. Is it because:
- They lie?
- They cut corners?
- They never take accountability?
- They gossip about teammates?
- They just don’t do anything?
Or… is it your own ego flaring up because they rub you the wrong way? Maybe they talk over people. Maybe they’re loud. Maybe they’re just different.
Quick Self-Audit Table
| Question | Your Honest Answer |
|---|---|
| Do they treat others unfairly? | Yes/No |
| Do they regularly underperform? | Yes/No |
| Do they show bad character (lie, blame, manipulate)? | Yes/No |
| Do they annoy me but still do their job well? | Yes/No |
| Could I be misjudging them due to personality differences? | Yes/No |
If your answers land mostly in the last two rows, this might be more about chemistry than character. That changes how you approach it.
But if you’re dealing with genuine toxicity, we need tactics—not therapy.
Understand the Power Dynamics
If they’re:
- Your boss: You tread differently.
- Your peer: You have more wiggle room.
- Your direct report: You’ve got leverage.
Power dynamics define your options. It’s one thing to despise a colleague who can’t fire you. It’s another to loathe a manager who holds your future in their hands.
Regardless of their rank, you’ll need to:
- Protect your boundaries.
- Stay professional.
- Focus on outcomes.
Let’s break that down.
Set Boundaries Without Being a Jerk
If you don’t respect someone, odds are you don’t want them in your head, your space, or your calendar more than they need to be.
So you set firm but professional boundaries.
Practical Boundary Moves:
- Stick to written communication: Use email or chat to create a trail.
- Decline unnecessary meetings: “Thanks, I’ll send my update via Slack.”
- Give short, polite answers: No need for banter.
- Don’t gossip about them: It always comes back.
This isn’t about being cold—it’s about protecting your energy.
You don’t owe anyone your emotional bandwidth.
Focus on the Outcome, Not the Person
This is hard, but powerful.
When you’re dealing with someone you can’t stand, shift your focus entirely to:
- What needs to get done
- Why it matters
- What you control
Ask yourself:
“What’s the outcome I need here—and how do I get there with this person as a piece on the board?”
They might be lazy, arrogant, sloppy, or rude. You still have a job to do. If you can detach your feelings from the function, you’ll win.
Master the Art of Low-Stakes Collaboration
You don’t have to “build a bridge” with this person. But you do need to make the thing work. So keep it minimal, methodical, and mission-focused.
Tactical Collaboration Framework
| Step | Description | Example |
|---|---|---|
| Clarify the task | What’s needed from each person? | “We need to submit X by Friday. I’ll handle Y, can you send Z?” |
| Limit dependency | Do what you can independently | “No worries, I’ll draft the whole thing and loop you in for review.” |
| Create documentation | Keep a record of asks and actions | “Per our convo, here’s what I captured—let me know if I missed anything.” |
| Set deadlines | Put dates in writing | “Let’s aim to have this finalized by Thursday COB.” |
This limits drama. It keeps things clean.
Don’t Try to Change Them
This is a massive trap.
You’re not their mentor. You’re not their therapist. You’re not their parent.
You don’t respect them. That’s fine. But the worst thing you can do is try to fix them.
People change when:
- They want to
- They have to
- Something painful forces the issue
If they’re not there? Let it go. Work around it. Influence sideways when you can. But don’t turn your work life into a crusade.
Use “Strategic Distance”
I once worked with someone I absolutely loathed. Everything they did screamed insecurity and self-importance. But I still had to collaborate with them for six months.
The trick? Strategic distance.
Here’s what that looked like:
- Only spoke when necessary
- Kept communication concise and agenda-led
- Never attended “brainstorming” sessions I wasn’t needed for
- Always had an excuse ready to avoid social interactions
And guess what? My performance was never better.
This person didn’t get under my skin because they never got in it.
Keep Your Integrity Intact
Here’s the danger of working with someone you don’t respect: they can pull you down with them.
They slack, you start slacking. They cut corners, you do too. They blame, you retaliate.
Don’t. That’s how they win.
Your reputation, your values, your quality of work—those are your currency in any career. No one will remember the jerk you worked with, but they’ll remember if you stooped to their level.
Take the high road—but don’t make a show of it.
Know When to Escalate
If this person is:
- Undermining you publicly
- Sabotaging work
- Lying or harassing
- Creating a toxic environment
Then it’s time to document everything and go to HR or your manager.
How to Escalate Without Drama:
- Keep records: Save emails, take notes.
- Stay objective: Focus on facts, not feelings.
- Ask for support: “I’m concerned about X because it’s impacting Y. What would you recommend?”
This isn’t tattling. It’s protecting your ability to do your job.
Check out this solid Wikipedia article on workplace bullying for a deeper dive.
Invest in Allies (You’ll Need Them)
When you’re dealing with someone you can’t respect, you need people around you that you do respect.
Build those relationships. Grab coffee. Show interest. Be helpful.
Why? Because a strong network:
- Buffers your stress
- Gives you backup
- Keeps you sane
It also gives you a reference point for healthy behavior, which can help you stay grounded when the difficult coworker starts gaslighting you into thinking you’re the problem.
Vent—But Selectively
You need to let it out. Just don’t do it with the wrong people.
Good people to vent to:
- A trusted friend outside work
- A coach or therapist
- A mentor
Bad people to vent to:
- Teammates who might repeat it
- Your boss (unless you’re escalating formally)
- Slack channels
Keep your external face professional, but give yourself room to say what you really think in private.
You’re human. That doesn’t mean you get to be sloppy.
Use It As a Growth Opportunity (Even If It Sucks)
Yeah, I hate this advice too. But it’s real.
Learning to work with people you don’t respect is a leadership skill. It builds:
- Emotional intelligence
- Self-control
- Strategic thinking
- Resilience
You may not see the benefits now. But trust me—this shows up later in your career in a big way.
The CEO who can manage a boardroom full of narcissists? They learned that skill somewhere. Probably here.
What If You’re the One Being Disrespected?
Let’s flip the script.
What if the person you don’t respect… doesn’t respect you either?
That’s a recipe for pure dysfunction unless you break the cycle.
Here’s how:
- Stay hyper-professional
- Over-communicate deliverables
- Document agreements
- Avoid confrontation unless absolutely necessary
And if that doesn’t work? You might want to exit the situation altogether.
Sometimes the smartest move is not a workaround—it’s a new role, new team, or new company.
If you’re on Fiverr, you might even find a new gig entirely: check it out here.
Final Thoughts
Let’s not sugarcoat this: working with someone you don’t respect is exhausting. It chips away at your energy, your motivation, and sometimes even your faith in the system.
But here’s the truth:
- You don’t need to like them.
- You don’t need to change them.
- You don’t need to suffer.
What you do need is strategy, boundaries, professionalism, and support.
And most of all, you need to remember who you are in the face of who they are.
You’ve got this.
And if all else fails? Get that resume ready. Because your sanity is worth more than any paycheck.
Bonus: Signs It’s Time to Leave
Here’s a quick reference if you’re wondering whether to stick it out or move on.
| Red Flag | What It Means |
|---|---|
| You dread going to work daily | Chronic stress |
| You start mimicking their toxic traits | You’re being infected |
| No one at work will acknowledge the problem | Cultural rot |
| Your health is suffering | Not worth it |
| You’ve done everything right and nothing’s changed | Time to go |
There’s no badge for staying in a miserable situation longer than you should. Cut the cord when the cost outweighs the growth.
And yes—you can find better. Even on platforms like Fiverr, where your next chapter might just begin.
One Last Word
If you made it this far, you’re probably dealing with something heavy. Maybe even infuriating. So let me just say this:
You’re not crazy. You’re not weak. You’re not overreacting.
Working with someone you don’t respect shouldn’t be normal—but it often is. The key isn’t to pretend everything’s fine. The key is to be smart, steady, and strategic.
And never—ever—let them lower your standard.
