How often do you feel like you’re stuck in your job and can’t find a way to fix it or move on? If you’re like me, then you will have thought this often throughout your career. However, I think that this has all been in my mind. Here’s why.

This post is a follow-on from my article We Are Not Constrained, where I discussed the reasons why I think that most of the constraints we believe we suffer from aren’t real constraints – just problems to overcome. In this post, I take this a bit further to suggest that we are not stuck in a rut; instead we just haven’t found this solution to our career crisis, yet. I’ll start with a story.

A friend, Mike, graduated from college four years ago and began work in what he thought was his dream job – a graphics designer. Mike was hot property as his portfolio included some innovative work. So lucky Mike was recruited straight from college without suffering the long periods of anxiety and doubt that many graduates face today. And ‘ker-ching’ – he received his first pay check and began living the dream. He bought his own modest apartment, put a deposit down on a brand new Ford, and made a reservation in a hotel in the Caribbean. Into the trash went the hoodies, and on came the Hugo Boss. Things could not get better. Right?

Guess what…? A year into his dream job, his employer was absorbed into the parent organization and many of Mike’s close colleagues and his boss were transferred around the organization. Mike had a great relationship with his boss, who gave him a lot of support and she took a real interest in his career and development. Mike’s workplace moved to a larger, out-of-town unit surrounded by concrete manufacturers and unsanitary burger-joints. Things just weren’t the same, and Mike resented this. He stayed in this job, but new boss treated him like crap and he hated the environment. The love of the work and the workplace dropped through the floor.

Mike begun to look for alternative employment, but what he found was that other companies couldn’t pay the same, or were not comfortably commutable (Mike loves his apartment), or that they didn’t offer the same interesting work, or that they didn’t appreciate his potential, or the receptionist didn’t have nice teeth…. yada yada. Mike couldn’t find a job that was significantly, or even insignificantly better than his current job, so he concluded he was stuck in a rut. Truth is, he was still too comfortable to move on, but wasn’t 100% happy where he was. We might say that this is ‘being stuck between a rock and a hard place’.

Many people get ‘stuck’ in jobs, because they don’t like them (or even hate them), but there isn’t an alternative that ticks all the boxes to provide enough motivation to move on. As in Mike’s case, quitting a job isn’t always the best option. Whatever our reasons for staying in a job we dislike, there are ways to make the best of a less than ideal situation. Here’s how.

Identify the Problems

Until we can clearly identify what the problems are, we can’t really solve them. Now Mike resented the changes, and couldn’t see any good in the new situation. He was emotional – hurt and angry that his dream job had been snatched from him. He couldn’t work out exactly what the problems were, but did miss what he had lost. When Mike first told me about his situation (about 18 months ago), the first thing I suggested was that he lists the problems out on paper. To his surprise, he found this to be much more difficult than he expected, and often resorted to what was taken away rather than what the problems were with what remained. We persisted, and eventually Mike drew out a list of 8 things that really bugged him. And you know what? They weren’t really grave problems (or viewed as constraints) – they were significant problems that he didn’t know how to solve. They were:

1. His boss didn’t provide him with support (mentorship)
2. He didn’t feel a member of a team; instead he felt he worked alone
3. He didn’t like the aesthetics of the workplace and local area
4. His boss didn’t show appreciation for what he considered excellent work
5. He didn’t like the high partitions between surrounding pods
6. His workplace was noisy (due to the concrete factory next door)
7. He didn’t enjoy opportunities to move around the organization
8. Long work hours meant he couldn’t be at home in his apartment or out partying with his buddies as often as he wished

When you look at this list, can you see possible solutions? This is what Mike and I looked at next. 


Identify Possible Solutions

Mike was jaded by his experience. Solution finding was not something he felt motivated to do, because he had been so damaged by the changes (his dreams has dissolved, after all). After much soul-searching, Mike admitted he was using this as an excuse. Way-to-go Mike! He had overcome a major hurdle.

So I suggested to Mike that he lists a possible solution against each problem, and this is what he came up with:

1. His boss didn’t provide him with support (mentorship) – Solution: talk to his boss in a one-to-one situation and ask for more support, and say how he would like it to happen?
2. He didn’t feel a member of a team; instead he felt he worked alone – Solution: get involved more with colleagues and ask for help, and also offer help too?
3. He didn’t like the aesthetics of the workplace and local area – Solution: only one way, get over it?
4. His boss didn’t show appreciation for what he considered excellent work – Solution: ask for more feedback from his boss. Maybe his boss doesn’t think the work is excellent, so finding out will be constructive?
5. He didn’t like the high partitions between surrounding pods – Solution: ask colleagues if they feel the same way, and propose to boss that they are lowered, or removed entirely?
6. His workplace was noisy (due to the concrete factory next door) – Solution: ask boss if Mike can use his iPod when it gets real noisy, or ask for a subsidy on noise-reduction earphones?
7. He didn’t enjoy opportunities to move around the organization – Solution: talk to boss about future prospects and state that this is important?
8. Long work hours meant he couldn’t be at home in his apartment or out partying with his buddies as often as he wished – Solution: ask boss if some work can be completed at home, or better still ask boss for occasional early leave from the office?

See how Mike began to think of positive outcomes for his problems? He discovered (all by himself) that there are a number of things he can ask for, or put into place himself, to make the situation better. At this stage, Mike felt a huge burden lift off his shoulders, even without solving the problems.

So What Happens Next?

Well what Mike observed next was the snowball effect. He went to his boss and had a good long chat about his problems. To his surprise, the result of this was an immediate set of actions that begun a real roll of improvement for Mike. He started by asking for more support, and it started a wave of change because a dialog had begun and rapport had taken hold. His boss wasn’t an ogre, but rather, was struggling with the change himself and at first impressions, saw Mike as hostile (which to be fair, he was.)  So the partitions were lowered. Mike began to help his colleagues, and he felt more within a team, and he discovered that his work was well respected throughout the organization. His boss agreed to weekly one-to-one meetings. And here’s the interesting thing – once Mike had seen signs of resolution on a number of fronts, some of the other problems seemed to be far less important. The noise next door stopped bugging him (without any sonic intervention!) and he began to see more interesting and beautiful things closeby to his work environment, such as a public park where he now eats his lunch with a couple of buddies.

What Mike had learned is that taking responsibility for resolving his own problems had a great result. And, ultimately, he discovered he wasn’t stuck in a rut!

©2012 SimonStapleton.com. All Rights Reserved.

Working for a living is tough enough, but sometimes it is harder than it should be because you have to deal with people problems at work, especially when your boss is one of the people that give you grief.

Without a careful approach to the situation, your hostile job situation could end up costing you your health and your career.

To help you develop a good approach to the problem, here are 8 tips for working with a difficult office manager that can ease your mind and help you have a better life.

1. Bring a box of chocolates – If you have one of those volatile, unpredictable bosses that are calm and reasonable one moment and then ballistic the next, try giving the gift of chocolate. By bringing a gift you show that you aren’t taking the stressful antics personally and a little chocolate can go a long way toward easing the stress your boss is dealing with.
2. Limit communication to email – If your boss has issues with being respectful and professional in the workplace, try to limit your personal interaction with her. By communicating through email, you have a record of everything that was said that can serve as valuable protection should you be selected as the next scapegoat for her performance issues. Besides, you’ll be less likely to be drawn into a scenario that escalates into a shouting match that you will later regret.
3. Keep a record of every incident – It takes time to sit down and write an account of every incident that happens at work, but the modern workplace requires it. Keep a written, audio, or video journal that documents your daily activities, your interactions with customers, vendors, and co-coworkers. This protects you when you face arbitrary accusations from your manager. Your records will help you establish your case if you ever have to escalate the problem to the executive level or if you need to take legal action. If you are asked to do something illegal or are physically assaulted or threatened on the job, call the police on the spot.
4. Leave your boss at work – Some managers can have genuine mental health issues that cause them to take pleasure in causing your misery. If yours is like this, make a deliberate effort to be happy on the job and have plenty of photos of the good times you’re having with family and friends. This not only shows your manager that you are still having a good life, but leaving your work problems at the office show you where your priorities are.
5. Combat vagueness – Some managers are deliberately vague because they need an outlet to receive blame when the project doesn’t come out right. If you follow her instructions and fail, then she is part of the problem, but if you fail trying to do your work on your own, than you are the problem and you must pay. Get specific requirements and expectations from your manager in writing before you begin the task so your performance is always objectively evaluated.
6. Don’t count on co-worker support – You think you have friends at the office, but if you share your feelings with them, they are likely to go tell your manager what you’ve said to earn brownie points for themselves. No one likes a difficult manager, but if a co-worker thinks he can exploit your pain to build better relations with the boss, things will get much more difficult for you.
7. Take action – Have a respectful but frank meeting with your difficult office manager and let her know that you are aware of the way she is treating you and that you will escalate the problem as far over her head as necessary in order to diffuse the tension and resolve the issues. This might not help in a small, family style business, but in typical company, her superiors will pressure her to develop a better management style. Meanwhile, start looking for a different job.
8. Don’t complain – Your predicament is one that millions of workers endure, but complaining about it will get you labeled as an unprofessional whiner and you will be a blame magnet for everything that goes wrong in your office.

Many work environments reflect the fact that life is not always fair. Use these 8 tips for working with a difficult office manager to help you respond constructively to your bad situation.

©2012 SimonStapleton.com. All Rights Reserved.

Did you see the news item where an Iraqi journalist, Muntadhar al-Zaiydi, threw his shoes at President George W Bush? Whether you’re a Bush supporter or not, it’s hard not to see the funny side of this, especially at the skill in which ‘W’ dodged the missiles. [Are these classed as Weapons of Mass Destruction?]

Who would you throw your shoes at? And who would throw their shoes at you?

It’s hard not to feel so freakin’ frustrated at times to not want to throw objects at people. Only last week, a respected colleague said something so dumb that I was looking for suitable items to make a pitcher-style lob at him. Would this have been an outward demonstration of company values? No – of course not – but in the moment, who cares?

You know, I think it’s OK to vent frustration. It turns a situation into something real and tangible. The opposite is worse – when we just shut up and boil up inside, and then later find some passive-aggressive means of retaliation, such as locking out your opponent’s network account, or accidentally forgetting to send them a vital communication.

At least flying shoes can be ducked.

Perhaps hurling footwear is an extreme response, but being vocal about your ill feelings, as long as they are well grounded, is very positive. One of the big dangers for organizations in this economic climate is that employees, in fear of retribution, just keep their thoughts to themselves. This creates a culture of distrust that a highly productive organization can’t sustain. I’d rather see ballistic shoes than polite nods through gritted teeth if it means that conflict is open and resolvable.

Would you like a pair of size 12 thrown at your head? Probably not, but if one option is to see productivity drop, morale take a nose-dive and a bubbling morass of ill-feeling to develop, or the other option is to observe open conflict about real issues and solutions discovered, then I’ll draw a target on my forehead and hand out Rockports and Jimmy Choos.

©2012 SimonStapleton.com. All Rights Reserved.

A popular comic strip once showed a soldier diligently watering a lawn in the rain. When a puzzled passer-by questions the need for a hose during a rain the solder answers he is simply following orders that the lawn must to be watered everyday. And then adds that soldiers are forbidden from disagreeing or questioning the orders made by their superiors. Conventional wisdom usually shows that going quietly with the established flow is the path to success and happiness. For example, if you are the boss and you have team members who don’t support you in everything, you may argue that it can undermine morale, reduce your authority, weaken the team, project or even sabotage the company goals. So a good team player is one who does not rock the boat, delay decisions or introduce roadblocks. And obviously having people who agree with you on anything and everything has many perceived advantages like below.

1. Working with cooperative people is a joy and necessary to achieve a goal. After all who would like to work with people who disagree?

2. Things get done faster when you have people who agree with you on anything and everything.

3. With people who collaborate easily there will be less conflicts, stress and irritation.

And so on. The above reasons appear valid because people see disagreements in the workplace lead to anger, confusion, fear, embarrassment, etc., and so it must be avoided at all costs. However, putting the popular reasons aside for sometime there are several hidden reasons why surrounding yourself with yes-men, apple-polishers and people who blindly agree without questioning for various reasons (including fear) can actually be a poison pill for you. While preventing disagreements may have its valid reasons in the armed forces, the same formula in the civilian and corporate world can often become a disaster as you will soon see. To be truly successful you must periodically welcome a generous dose of disagreement in every major or important decision you take, even if you are an expert in what you do. The suggestion for openly inviting disagreement may seem odd because it can be infuriating, insulting, irritating and seen as a roadblock to your plans. But beneath the hood there are several advantages of accepting people who can question your plans, decisions, demands, ideas, etc., provided you learn the ability to see it in an objective way. Many times the advantages of seeking advice from people who have the courage to disagree can often far outweigh the advantages of surrounding yourself with only who agree. The reasons why you need some disagreement are as follows.

1. Lack of dissent and disagreement means lack of analysis. Everything has a downside when viewed from certain angles. This has been aptly demonstrated by Alfred Sloan (CEO of General Motors from 1923 to 1956) who once said in a directors’ meeting, "Gentlemen, I take it that we are all in complete agreement on the decision here. Then, I propose that we postpone further discussion to give ourselves time to develop disagreement and perhaps gain some understanding of what the decision is all about." If Alfred Sloan couldn’t find opposition to an important decision, he would postpone it to give his business managers some time to think about the pros and cons in different ways.

2. A disagreement can often prevent you from rushing into bad decisions and choices. They give you time and press the brakes to ponder over it though you may get irritated by the delay and roadblocks. It is quite possible you may have done extensive homework on a decision, but still may have overlooked a simple, but important point, which the person can see when looked from a different angle.

3. Use disagreements to you advantage. Cynics, pessimists and people who can disagree are right nine times out of ten. So learn how to extract gold from it. When you are doing a project or a major task you need people who can blurt out problems and roadblocks openly, not someone who will gleefully say everything can be done and pat your back. Every time an opposer opens his mouth you know what exactly needs to be fixed so that a project can succeed. Ask yourself "How can I use this information?" or "How much time, money and effort is involved to solve all these problems?"

4. You need to accept opposition objectively and professionally. You should encourage people to disagree with you so that all sides of the decision can be carefully examined. Unless you are a megalomaniac or an extremely dismissive person, you must accept the fact that countless people below or above you will be more talented, smarter, knowledgeable and more powerful than you. It is not enough to invite dissent and criticism because it is the new management fad or just for the heck of it, and later victimize or target the person for saying something you didn’t like to hear.

5. Don’t be afraid to disagree or accept disagreement. Real leaders accept disagreement. Surrounding yourself with yes men simply means they are just rubber stamping everything you say without adding any value or digging deep into the issue. A certain amount of honest friction heightens interest and establishes mutual respect. However when dealing with subordinates you have to invite dissent by asking beautiful questions. People beneath you will never openly dissent if you have blown your fuse or acted irrational earlier. Many employees, especially newcomers, will not speak up in an atmosphere where they feel their ideas are not welcome.

6. If you are famous or popular chances are everyone around will always agree with you and applaud all your decisions. If you notice such a thing then you need to be extra careful of those who are too supportive of your ideas and suggestions. This is because they will not prevent from making mega mistakes. So whether it is your decision of buying an unsuitable equipment for your organization, or even going to the extent of cooking the books to commit some fraud they will not oppose or openly dissent. Later on, when something goes wrong badly the yes men around will quickly disappear and not share the blame by promptly claiming that it was all your decision. Of course, if they had disagreed earlier but you did not care or bulldozed their opinions then only you are to be solely blamed.

7. Another the key to managing disagreements is to prevent it from taking a personal turn as 99% of disagreements turn into conflicts and become dirty. The simple reason for this is the way a disagreement is put forth.  Many a time a particular suggestion or idea may invoke a swift and brutal objection due to various reasons, bad past experiences or the way it is proposed. Disagreement has to be strongly focused on the issue or idea, and not on the person or the way the person blurted out the opinion, or body language, bad choice of words, etc. Though etiquette counts, the emotional aspect must be carefully and consciously filtered out so that you can to refocus on the issue or in extreme cases abandon the idea completely.

8. One must also understand that disagreement and dissent should not be done just for the sake of it like opposition politicians who have a standard policy to oppose everything that the ruling party does. Arguing just for the sake of arguing is also not productive disagreement.

And we can conclude this article with two great quotes on agreeing.

"The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you." Kin Hubbard

"The people to fear are not those who disagree with you, but those who disagree with you and are too cowardly to let you know." Napoleon Bonaparte.

©2012 SimonStapleton.com. All Rights Reserved.

I recently wrote about the 11 Behaviors most disliked by IT Leaders, and #9 in that list was:

Email-itis – in other words, staff using emails rather than interacting with each other in person. The added hatred was the use of blind copy and the overuse of copy to a wide audience

What is so annoying about email-itis is when we have to follow a thread back through the conversation to find anything relevant. And if you print the thread out to digest it then we end up wasting tons of paper as the thread becomes more and more indented…

Chris Mahan in his response to my last post (see http://chrismahan.blogspot.com/2008/07/response-to-11-behaviors-most-disliked.html) commented that this is fuelled by fear, and I agree that this is often the case. I think in the contemporary business climate, the use of email has allowed the avoidance of conflict. We are breeding weak workers and leaders because of this. Conflict, in the business sense, builds character and strength, and learning to be strong enables leaders to be more effective. The ability to withstand conflict allows leaders to create an environment that supports challenge, negotiation, and the opportunity to say No. The world is not a perfect place, so Win:Lose arguments are commonplace. Leaders must ensure that effectiveness and ‘doing the right thing’ win out above ineffective, pointless pursuit.

So Leaders shouldn’t allow Email Tennis and Email-itis to prevail.

• Leaders can do this by effectively stamping it out, by spotting these threads when they happen and then (whatever the subject) encouraging participants to get around a table to discuss the subject (or a conference phone if appropriate.)
• Leaders can lead by example and not engaging in this activity themselves
• Leaders can use value-driven statements and mandates when addressing the team by describing this behavior as counter-cultural
• Employees can be encouraged by email-usage policies to avoid this behavior

The crux of this is that it is a leadership responsibility. Employees won’t resolve this themselves whilst it plays to their comfort zone. Leaders are accountable for the work environment, and therefore must take positive action to correct the behavior. Leaders must lead by example and walk the narrow line between openly engaging in challenge/conflict whilst not creating an environment of avoidance.

©2012 SimonStapleton.com. All Rights Reserved.