Does your boss hate you? (Sucks doesn’t it?) Here is a tip that could make a break-through…

You might be surprised to know that this is a common problem. More common than you might think! Some of my most read posts are on this subject (I’ve written about this subject before in my posts What Should You Do If Your Boss Hates You? , ’5 Reasons Why Your Boss Hates You’ and ‘The ‘mystery’ boss: why your bosses behavior may occasionally look strange’.)

One thing I’ve learned, in helping people with this tough problem, is that (wherever possible) building bridges is the best way to go. Feuds, fights and snipes almost always fail. Your boss, rightly or wrongly, is in a ‘legitimate’ position of strength. Unless you can prove some major mis-doing, bad behavior or discrimination, it’s not an easy situation to get out of. But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible, or, that you have to suck-up.

Building bridges is about creating channels of communication, and there’s no better way than to facilitate an open discussion. There is a simple question I’ve found works – one which can be repeated over-and-over and it never gets stale:

What Can I Do Better?

Its simplicity and directness deliver a powerful message to your boss; that you take responsibility for yourself and your work, and for your relationships. Whether the answer you get is poignant or pithy, the question that makes it tough for your boss to avoid criticism. But it’s criticism that you’ve requested, and this is what makes all the difference.

Asking for criticism from a hostile boss puts you in control of the situation. It’s disarming and confident. Don’t be afraid of what will be said, as you probably know it already. Open up communication, and put improvement on the agenda.

Ask your boss today “What Can I Do Better?”

©2012 SimonStapleton.com. All Rights Reserved.

If I was to ask 1,000 managers what they really want from an employee, what do you think they would say? At the nub of it, managers desire excellence more than anything else. How do we know if we are delivering excellence?

Excellence is subjective. Excellent to me might be mediocre to you, but I can guarantee that there is one single measure that you can rely on. That’s your own view of it.

I am a big fan of knowing what my colleagues within my organization think of me – and I ask it directly. Measuring feedback is an important activity for any determined employee, and there are great tools to achieve it to boot (e.g. 360 degree feedback).

Then again… an even greater measure of excellence to me is how I feel about the quality of service I deliver to my employer. I don’t mean that to sound narcissistic. I mean that if I don’t believe I am delivering excellence to my employer, then I know that I can do more for them. (And chances are, my employers feel the same way too!)

We all know how excellent we can be; whether it’s going that extra mile on a project, even if it isn’t asked for, or putting in higher quality ingredients – you get the picture. And we all know when we’re not giving excellence too. Perhaps it’s a question of conscience, but after the occasions I know I haven’t been excellent, I felt I hadn’t done my duty by them and then felt less confidence in the ongoing business relationship. I’ve worried about whether my manager will complain, or (even worse) fire me without saying a word. I’ve been on tenterhooks the next time I went into their office, and perhaps it showed too.

Do excellence and self-interest conflict?

I don’t think so. Sure, we have to draw the line in quality somewhere to ensure what we do actually delivers, and it is personally profitable. But if I knew I could deliver better quality, and still make the profit I expect, then I would do it.

I don’t know about you but I love it when I get a surprise when something is received better than I expected?

The last time that happened is when I got my iPhone. Not the latest version though…

What We Can Learn from Apple Inc

My iPhone was wonderful, but not always. This is when the new iPhone 4 came out and Apple also released new software for my version. I rely on my iPhone, and the experience was terrible. It crashed, buttons not working, etc. The business tool I came to rely on the most let me down. And what are we as employees? We’re business tools.

The thing is, Apple can be excellent. Truly excellent. They have proven that. But that time, they let me down because they rushed the product and new software to market, probably cut corners on testing it, and it blew up in their face. I am not as confident, now, if I will buy another iPhone again.

Shame.

What I have learned from Apple is this:

Selling an employer short is bad for our career and personal profit. The short term gains are insignificant to the damage done. Managers expect excellence from us, and what’s more, so should we.

©2012 SimonStapleton.com. All Rights Reserved.

Do you have a great boss? I don’t mean one who just buys you a latte in the morning. I mean a boss who truly delivers the environment, guidance and support YOU need to excel in your job. Here’s how to find out.

As Jim Collins said in his seminal book Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap… and Others Don’t, ‘Greatness is not a function of circumstance. Greatness, it turns out, is largely a matter of conscious choice, and discipline‘, and this is never more true when applied to being a manager.

Sadly, I’ve met a number of managers in my career that think their greatness is a matter of having ‘Manager’ or ‘Head of’ in their job title. These chumps have throw their weight around without, seemingly, making good decisions or creating a work environment that lets their employees flourish. Know of any managers like this yourself?

Thankfully, I have met a few really great managers who I am proud to have called my boss. I interviewed a number of experienced professionals, and we came up with the following traits that epitomized a great boss.

1. Great bosses pay people what they’re worth – not what they think they can pay as a minimum. Keeping the wage bill down is a constant pressure for managers, but it has to be balanced by getting the job done effectively and efficiently. This means paying a fair wage for great people. Great bosses know that penny-pinching regularly results in under-performance.
2. Great bosses tell it how it is – good news or bad, a great boss is straight with employees. A good working relationship between boss and employee requires trust and communication, and this is a two-way street. Bosses expect bad news to be shared by their employees, so it should work the other way around too. It takes discipline and courage for a manager to share bad news with employees, just as it does the other way around.
3. Great bosses give credit where credit is due – sharing praise is something great bosses do, and they never take credit for the productivity of others. However, great bosses take the heat for their employees failings, often facing criticism themselves. I once had a manager who did quite the opposite of this, and it was the worst job I have ever suffered.
4. Great bosses nurture employees strengths – they don’t pick away at their weaknesses! Everybody has strengths and weaknesses (read more about this in the free eBook ‘The 10 Habits of Highly Effective Professionals‘ – get yours by subscribing to my newsletter!) Great managers know that by nurturing employees strengths is the most positive approach to performance management and professional development. And when the strengths of a whole team are invested in, the resulting productivity is always far superior than if they were to try to paper of the cracks of weakness.
5. Great bosses inspire and share their experiences – a great boss is a mentor that actively shares personal insight and experiences so that employees can learn from real cases. A carefully selected anecdote can be very inspiring. A great boss is disciplined enough to allocate time in their diaries to share their knowledge.
6. Great bosses delegate, not abdicate – some managers pass on work they don’t want to do themselves without retaining their accountability. This is abdication! Great bosses delegate responsibility for an outcome and share the accountability with the employee, taking joint-ownership of ensuring the outcome is delivered. Delegation requires consideration; it’s not simply a matter of saying what work needs to be done – delegation involves agreeing a number of measures with the employee – stating success criteria, establishing the modus operandi (how the outcome should be achieved), ensuring that the necessary resources are available to the delegate, and clarifying the procedure if exceptions occur.

How does your boss compare? And if you’re a boss, how do YOU compare?

Update:

I should also add a seventh: Great bosses say thanks. Thank You is one of the most powerful phrases a boss can say. And not enough bosses do it regularly enough. Which is odd as it costs nothing to say yet it has such a profound effect. In Dan Pink’s post, A boss who says thanks, there is a nice example where a President says Thank You to his organization.

Maybe you have a better definition of a ‘great manager’? If so, please do share it by expressing an opinion below.

©2012 SimonStapleton.com. All Rights Reserved.

If we didn’t make mistakes, we wouldn’t be human. Still, when we mess up at work we often find ourselves in a sticky, embarrassing situation. So here are some tips I’ve used that can get the mess cleared up.

The first, and best advice I can share is: DON’T PANIC. (I’ve learned this from painful experience.) Panicking almost always ends up with the situation being made worse. Once I made an administrative error that cost my employers a fair wedge of money because I panicked and made a subsequent mistake that made the original look like a minor ink-blot! I tried to do the right thing, but under pressure I made the situation worse. I didn’t consult anyone else – if I had I would have taken a more measured approach.

I almost experienced my first formal disciplinary. And red cheeks in the office for a few hours too.

What I learned here was not to rush to rectify the situation without thinking it through, and even more importantly, I should have told my boss about it.

You know, unless you have a difficult and unreasonable boss (if you do, then take a look at my article ‘What Should You Do If Your Boss Hates You?‘) then it’s likely that they understand, too, that to err is to be human. That said, what most bosses don’t like is when we don’t handle the situation properly when we do make a mistake.

Mistakes happen – they’re expected, and that’s why there are protocols for dealing with them. Most organizations have teams dedicated to mopping up issues. Most management structures include some form of problem resolution, because unexpected things happen. Complaints team; client services; hit squads; first-aid teams – they all exist because things go wrong. So when they do, we should work with these protocols to resolve them.

Yada yada… even so, when a mistake happens, it’s not always easy to face it, square-on. I know! It could be a blot on a clean-sheet, or the straw that broke the camel’s back. So what do we do when we realize what a gaffe we’ve made? Here’s what I do:

First of all, I get over the initial rush of adrenalin. We don’t handle things with a level head if we work with the initial rush. That’s in panic-territory. I let the hormonal imbalance subside, and get my head straight.

Next, I quantify and qualify the mistake. I ask myself if the mistake is a genuine one (is my information correct?), and then I look at the impact. Who is affected; when were they affected; how much; where was the effect. Etc, etc. E.g. I might see that a problem will result in a $1,000 loss, it affected only 2 local customers.

Then I consider who should be informed. I do a quick check as to who the stakeholders are – normally the people who are affected. This helps in assessing the priorities and enables me to target any rectification to the highest-risk areas (e.g. the biggest customers)

Next, I establish what the resolution protocol is. Before I go to my boss, I consider what should be done about the issue. Knowing a range of solutions to the problem steers the conversation towards the fix, and away from blame too. However, I don’t waste time if I can’t find out quicky. If there are established emergency protocols in place, then put them into action.

Then, I go see my boss. If the wheels of rectification are in motion, or not, I go see my boss. This isn’t to go cap-in-hand for forgiveness (although that might happen too); instead it is to ensure that the chain of responsibility is maintained. If there is going to be ramifications, then my boss better know about it. So it’s about courtesy, too.

I deal with the fall-out. Sometimes, it’s not enough just to put out the fire. It’s rare we can just walk away and leave the embers smouldering. After most calamities, there are the consequences to manage, and I find it’s better to get onto the front-foot by communicating these first before other people remind me of them. Before now, I’ve sent communications right through the organization to inform colleagues of the situation, and if there are any temporary changes in modus operandi as a result. It’s a managed way of fessing-up before the rumor mill starts, and again, it’s courteous. I’ve also been in roles where I have produced incident-reports afterwards, which are more formal communications that record what happened, why, where, when, etc.; what was learned; remedial actions; future mitigation and risk management procedures.

Finally, I remember that Accidents Do Happen. Business is not engineered for perfection. In the workplace, accidents happen. So I always keep this in the back of my mind; I could beat myself up over every mistake, but even when I have taken care and sensible precautions, and I have the right skills and resources to perform my job, mistakes are still (hopefully rare) occurrences that will inevitably happen.

©2012 SimonStapleton.com. All Rights Reserved.

Working for a living is tough enough, but sometimes it is harder than it should be because you have to deal with people problems at work, especially when your boss is one of the people that give you grief.

Without a careful approach to the situation, your hostile job situation could end up costing you your health and your career.

To help you develop a good approach to the problem, here are 8 tips for working with a difficult office manager that can ease your mind and help you have a better life.

1. Bring a box of chocolates – If you have one of those volatile, unpredictable bosses that are calm and reasonable one moment and then ballistic the next, try giving the gift of chocolate. By bringing a gift you show that you aren’t taking the stressful antics personally and a little chocolate can go a long way toward easing the stress your boss is dealing with.
2. Limit communication to email – If your boss has issues with being respectful and professional in the workplace, try to limit your personal interaction with her. By communicating through email, you have a record of everything that was said that can serve as valuable protection should you be selected as the next scapegoat for her performance issues. Besides, you’ll be less likely to be drawn into a scenario that escalates into a shouting match that you will later regret.
3. Keep a record of every incident – It takes time to sit down and write an account of every incident that happens at work, but the modern workplace requires it. Keep a written, audio, or video journal that documents your daily activities, your interactions with customers, vendors, and co-coworkers. This protects you when you face arbitrary accusations from your manager. Your records will help you establish your case if you ever have to escalate the problem to the executive level or if you need to take legal action. If you are asked to do something illegal or are physically assaulted or threatened on the job, call the police on the spot.
4. Leave your boss at work – Some managers can have genuine mental health issues that cause them to take pleasure in causing your misery. If yours is like this, make a deliberate effort to be happy on the job and have plenty of photos of the good times you’re having with family and friends. This not only shows your manager that you are still having a good life, but leaving your work problems at the office show you where your priorities are.
5. Combat vagueness – Some managers are deliberately vague because they need an outlet to receive blame when the project doesn’t come out right. If you follow her instructions and fail, then she is part of the problem, but if you fail trying to do your work on your own, than you are the problem and you must pay. Get specific requirements and expectations from your manager in writing before you begin the task so your performance is always objectively evaluated.
6. Don’t count on co-worker support – You think you have friends at the office, but if you share your feelings with them, they are likely to go tell your manager what you’ve said to earn brownie points for themselves. No one likes a difficult manager, but if a co-worker thinks he can exploit your pain to build better relations with the boss, things will get much more difficult for you.
7. Take action – Have a respectful but frank meeting with your difficult office manager and let her know that you are aware of the way she is treating you and that you will escalate the problem as far over her head as necessary in order to diffuse the tension and resolve the issues. This might not help in a small, family style business, but in typical company, her superiors will pressure her to develop a better management style. Meanwhile, start looking for a different job.
8. Don’t complain – Your predicament is one that millions of workers endure, but complaining about it will get you labeled as an unprofessional whiner and you will be a blame magnet for everything that goes wrong in your office.

Many work environments reflect the fact that life is not always fair. Use these 8 tips for working with a difficult office manager to help you respond constructively to your bad situation.

©2012 SimonStapleton.com. All Rights Reserved.

I have often written about the relationships between leader and follower, as it’s a subject close to many of our hearts – once we realize that each and every one of us has the capability, opportunity and choice to become a strong leader, and by the same token, a strong follower.

Here, I have rounded up some of the most popular articles on this blog that discuss this subject, ranked by number of hits.

1. The Five Sources of a Leader’s Power, and how (and how not) to use them (484,655 hits) – Power is a force of influence and authority. Most leaders wield power, but how power is manifested and used often differs between leaders. Where does a leader get power from? Or do a leader’s followers give it to them? Well it’s both. In this article, we’ll be looking at the five different sources of power a leader can use, with some advice on when these powers should be used, and perhaps when not.
2. What Should You Do If Your Boss Hates You? (397,212 hits) – Your boss hates you – what should you do?
3. The Leader, The Followers, and the Situation (301,309 hits) – If you know history then you’ll probably be aware that Winston Churchill was a brilliant wartime leader, bringing the UK from the depths of despair at the beginning of World War II to being triumphant alongside its allies at the end. He was the undisputed king of wartime leadership at that time. But in peacetime, less people know, he was an average leader at best. Did he lose his touch? Did age and the effects of war wither away his ability to hold a nation together in peacetime? Maybe a little, but the greatest factor that tarnished Churchill’s crown was that the peacetime situation was totally different from that in wartime
4. As A Leader, Your Personality Is Everything (Part Four) (233,801 hits) – If somebody gives you feedback that surprises you, how should you respond? Defensively?… dismissively?… aggressively? Of course not. Here’s how.
5. How To Strike the Balance Between Personal and Positional Power (159,498 hits) – A leader has five sources of power, and each has it’s place. Use of power in the wrong way often means that a leader loses their followers. How should the balance be struck?
6. As A Leader, Your Personality Is Everything (Part One) (87,221 hits) - This is Part One of a series on the importance of your personality and it’s implications for you as a leader. It is one of the most important assets you possess. Did you know that? Your personality traits are the standard behaviors you exhibit, and they are what your followers come to depend upon . For example, you might be typically dominant, or perhaps you’re always a friendly person, or even someone who takes very few risks. These examples are personality traits.
7. The ‘mystery’ boss: why your bosses behavior may occasionally look strange (84,033 hits) – Frequently, I’ve felt my boss (in a number of organizations) is on another planet. The feeling was most acute when we’ve both been in meetings with a number of other colleagues from different departments. My boss would say strange things, e.g. use vague, ambiguous terms, say things in conflict to what we had agreed between ourselves, or in some cases, say things are technically wrong to my knowledge. In technical circles, this is typically seen as ‘bad’. This would lead to frustration on my part (particularly as it’s the tendency of technical folk to want perfection), and worse still, on occasion prompt me to correct my boss, creating disastrous results (mostly for me I should add). Why did this happen
8. As A Leader, Your Personality Is Everything (Part Three) (67,395 hits) – This week in Part Three we shall be looking at ways we can learn how other people perceive our personality and behaviors, and how they impact these people.
9. As A Leader, Your Personality Is Everything (Part Two) (56,800 hits) – Your personality is your personal brand and it’s how people, particularly your followers, will expect you to behave. Your behaviors are the root of your leadership style, and consistent behavior is what makes that style predictable by followers. Therefore, your behaviors and your personality are closely linked. But how do you know what your personality is?

[Number of hits correct at 12:30 BST 7/14/2010]

©2012 SimonStapleton.com. All Rights Reserved.

Your relationship with your boss is important. In most cases, your boss has influence on your career progression, job satisfaction, and even your pay. Pleasing your boss is a good thing to do, and here are 8 things you can do today to do that (without appearing to be a total kiss-ass.)

1. Finish something off. We all have things that our boss has asked us to do, that we just haven’t gotten around to completing. Why not dust it off and close the file on it today?
2. Pay a compliment. Unless you’re really unlucky, bosses are humans, just like us. They have fears, hopes, phobias, hatreds, passions and insecurities, just like the best of us. Being told that we’re doing a good job is always welcome, right? So I’ve found it travels a long way to pay your boss a compliment for something well done. Make it a genuine compliment about something relevant to your work (and at the right time), and you’re onto a winner.
3. Compliment your boss to their peers. As above, but this time compliment the performance of your boss to his or her peer group. Again, make the compliment genuine, relevant and appropriately timed.
4. Suggest a new idea for your boss and your team. Our managers like forward, creative thinkers. Suggest an idea on how to improve the performance of your team, or save time, or costs. And be prepared to be asked ‘OK, so how do we make it happen, and when can you start?’
5. Tidy up your desk. Sounds simple, but it works! When our workspace looks sloppy, we create the wrong impression with everybody who passes it. One thing that gets right up our bosses nose is when demonstrate a careless attitude towards our colleagues.
6. Make visible progress on your objectives. Spend a bit longer on your objectives set during your last appraisal. In most workplaces, your bosses objectives are dependent on the delivery of yours. Completing your goals will mean success for you and your manager, too. I have created an excellent course if you want to truly ace your objectives.
7. Assist/support a colleague. Bosses really do love it when we play as a team. If you know if a colleague is struggling with a tough task, or if they need help working something out, then offer some help. Give a bit of your time and effort. Not only will your boss like it, but you’ll build a stronger relationship with your colleagues too.
8. Ask for help. Face it, sometimes we find ourselves we’re struggling with something that we know should be a slam-dunk. If we can’t find help from colleagues, we keep going without escalating it to our boss… until we’re either late with the activity or it doesn’t get done at all. You know, it takes courage to lift up your hand to your boss and ask for help. And every time I’ve done this myself, it has ended up in some form of assistance being offered without any bad feeling or consequences. In fact, it shows to our boss that we know when to escalate problems and we use sound judgment.

Learn some more great tactics for success in your workplace by reading my eBook The 10 Habits of Highly Successful Professionals. Get instant access to this popular guide by joining my mailing list today.

©2012 SimonStapleton.com. All Rights Reserved.

Your boss hates you – what should you do?

This is a common problem, I’ve discovered, when checking back through the many emails where I have been asked that very question. When you find yourself in this position, is it a lost cause?

I don’t think so, and here is what to do about it.

First of all, it’s vital that (from this point forward) you keep an open mind. For two reasons:

1. If you have asked yourself the above question, then you must care about fixing the problem. If you didn’t, then you’d have consigned it to the ‘don’t give a crap’ box and moved onto some other challenge. So to fix the problem, you must consider opportunities to fix it before dismissing them outright.
2. There is a chance that your boss doesn’t hate you, in fact, but rather that’s how you have interpreted his/her actions and behaviors towards you. To solve the problem, it’s crucial that you dump any baggage you have first.

If you haven’t yet read my posts ‘5 Reasons Why Your Boss Hates You ‘ and ‘The ‘mystery’ boss: why your bosses behavior may occasionally look strange ‘ then do so now, and then come back to this post. They provide you with great insights into the mind of the typical boss, and possibly suggest why you might be thinking your boss hates you.

Do you recognize any of the ‘crazy behaviors’ that you thought could be hatred towards you, but are possibly more benign? Or perhaps you did discover a reason why your boss thinks you’re a dufus?

If you’re still unclear as to why you suffer a sour relationship with your boss, then now is the time to find out. The best way forward is to understand what problems need to be fixed, and how they should be fixed.

I should just say that I’ve known some people to try to go around whatever problem there might be – most of the time not knowing what the problem is. What tends to happen is that they turn into a kiss-ass. In order to gain new found favor with their boss, they engage in a sickly-sweet charm offensive. You have probably seen other people do this too… or maybe even engaged in it yourself. The effect is often successful, but temporary. When two people don’t deal with their problems (just like in marriage I guess) then any phase of reconciliation is cut short when the problem re-surfaces. And when you don’t know what that problem is, then you’re doomed to repeat it.

So here’s the deal: you’ve got to deal with the source of the bad blood between you and your boss directly.

Don't Give Up!

What If You Don’t Know the Source of the Problem?

What I’ve discovered is that I was most effective when I opened up the discussion with a question about the relationship. It’s about getting on the front foot by creating an opportunity for your boss to provide some feedback. I would ask something like “I’ve noticed that we haven’t agreed on things lately; am I letting you down in any way?” This question isn’t a confession, or an admission of guilt – it’s an avenue for your boss to open up to discuss the problem. This may be the magical question that brings out the source of the problem.

Failing that, I’ve also learned that an outright confrontation works too – but not an aggressive one. If I’ve had problems with my boss that I couldn’t fathom, I have found an opportunity to make an approach on neutral ground, such as the car park or cafe, and state that I have sensed a problem and that I would like to work it out.

Sometimes, this process takes a while. You see, in uncomfortable situations, people often lie. They lie to get out of the situation. Don’t take this personally, but don’t give up too.

So what you might find is that you only discover a part of the problem, or a symptom of the problem. What this means is that you will have to rectify the disclosed issue first (and prove you are serious about rectifying the relationship with your boss) and keep working at the relationship until all the problems have been heard.

The last resort concerns the fact that your boss has a duty to you to provide you with feedback on your performance and treat you fairly as they do their other subordinates. Not only is this a typical organizational policy, but in most countries it is law.

If you notice that your bosses actions look unfair, then you should ask why you were treated unfairly. This is a right you can be expected to exercise, and you should also expect to be given a straight answer

If you’re still not satisfied, then the only way forward is to approach your HR department, or if your organization doesn’t have a HR department, approach your bosses superior and explain the steps you have taken so far to attempt a reconciliation.

When You Know What the Problem Is…

This is a great situation to be in. The ball is in your court, and you should have a specific action to complete or behavior/personal trait you need to change.

The best approach is to take action, without delay. Your response demonstrates how serious you take the rectification. Slouching now will look bad on you, and possibly confirm to your boss why he/she developed bad feelings towards you in the first place.

Next important step is to provide regular updates to rectification activities, in person if you can. If the problem is behavioral then you will need to ask for feedback on the behavior. This is a good excuse to continue building your relationship. Don’t get defensive if the feedback doesn’t tell you that the problem has completely gone, but rather ask for advice on how to continue with the change.

If the source of the problem is personal then this is less straight forward. I once knew a guy who had major body-odor. Bluntly, he stank. His boss really didn’t like this, and made it personal. The relationship turned very sour… but his boss didn’t tell him what irked him because it was embarrassing. Eventually, the truth came out. The smelly guy did change his personal hygiene and the source of the problem went away.

History, and Baggage

I’ve mentioned so far that in order to reconcile with your boss, you need to lose your baggage. Once you’ve turned the corner and you’re dealing with the problems, this needs to persevere.

Truth is, you won’t really lose the baggage. Neither will your boss. The road to reconciliation is a long one, especially if nasty things were said or done before – folk don’t forget that.

Take the example above – the smelly chap – he didn’t just get over that. His experience was painfully embarrassing, and it took a while for him to get over that. Equally, the experience was painful for his boss. His boss wasn’t proud that he discriminated his smelly subordinate, and was also embarrassed by his behaviors. This wasn’t forgotten overnight.

Don't Pick the Scab! Let it Heal!

Those initial days and weeks will be awkward, as you and your boss try to forget (and fail in the early days). It’s much like a scab on your skin: it’s easily opened up and it takes real guts and determination not to pick at it, no matter how frickin’ itchy it is.

Remember These Things…

• Unless you initiate a discussion to learn what the source of the problem is, then you won’t resolve it. This is where the open-mind comes in – get the conversation going with your boss without carrying any emotional baggage with you, and don’t assume anything. The early days of this process is shaky, and both you and your boss can easily read the wrong thing from what’s said.
• You’ll also be hearing the voices in your head and applying listening filters to the conversations with your boss. Most people want to hear the worst, because it confirms what they already knew and tells them ‘they were right’. It takes courage, but switch those voices off!
• When you’re getting the feedback from your boss, don’t be defensive! If you start defending your position on problems of the past, you’ll close down the conversation. Even if you believe your boss to be wrong, don’t fight back or you won’t rectify the situation.
• Avoid caffeine and nicotine before the conversations with your boss. Being hyper-stimulated isn’t going to help. If you’re buzzing, you’ll appear nervous or distracted.
• Don’t use email. Period. Email is not an appropriate communication channel for dealing with relationship problems. Using the phone is OK, but discussing matters in person always works far better because it lets your body language communicate your desire to resolve the problem.
• When approaching your boss to talk, do it with a non-aggressive stance and don’t invade personal space – this is particularly important if you are tall (like myself, I am 6’4″).
• When faced with being forced to deal with problems that are painful, people can sometimes run for cover. So it’s got to be done at a pace that is not threatening or too painful – and this applies to you AND your boss.

Have You Had a Bad Relationship With Your Boss?

What was your story, and how did you rectify the situaiton? Have you got wisdom to share with us?

©2012 SimonStapleton.com. All Rights Reserved.

I was with a group of 126 recently appointed managers and we were talking about our relationships with our boss. I just love it when people begin to talk about the subjects that matter to them.

The group shared their thoughts on how they have suffered from bad relationships with their boss, and more to the point, how their relationships turned sour in the first place. It was such an interesting (and enlightening) conversation that I am sharing with you what I learned.

So I discovered the 5 reasons why your boss might hate you (although there maybe more, these are the biggies)

You are a Threat

If your boss believes you pose a threat to their job then they could turn nasty. If you walk around with a halo on your head (put there by your peers, or even your manager’s peers or superiors) then this could be perceived as dangerous to your boss.

This goes beyond the belief of your boss that you are after their job. By building up a strong profile inside your organization, which I fully recommend, it is likely that you a pedestal is also being built underneath you. If your profile creates support and sponsorship by senior members of your organization, then the likelihood of being knocked off is reduced, but there always remains the potential of being sniped off by a jealous boss.

If you suspect that this is the case, then you have a choice – continue as you are and live with the glory and the threat, or share your halo with your boss by ensuring that they always get 10% of the credit. (Number is arbitrary!). You do this by always mentioning their support and guidance as you achieve greatness.

You are Too Political

Politics is a banner of many behaviors, but roughly I am suggesting that your manager may get pissed off with you if you don’t consistently align with the truth and behave like ‘all things to all people’. Politics has its place, but over-emphasis on truth-economies can create distrust between you and your manager. Think about it: if they see you as a skillful player with your peers, then what do they read into your relationship?

If you’re in a politically charged environment (despite best will, this does happen) then it’s always best to disclose your political game plan with your boss. Even if they don’t play too, at least they know what you’re trying to achieve. Create a version of the truth that you both align to and will work together to achieve. Personally, I prefer work without politics, but if you must engage in politics then it’s important to have the support of your manager.

You are Not Political Enough

The flipside to the above, and probably a more likely situation. The higher you climb the pole, the greasier it gets.

Your manager may be playing many angles and operating in grey-areas to achieve an outcome… only for you to come along with an honest and transparent communication to destroy their game-plan.

My feelings towards this are clear – this is your manager’s fault and if they don’t involve you in the game (or at least tell you where the goal-posts are) then that is their problem. Nevertheless, your lack of awareness, or refusal to play, can build up bad feelings which are likely not to be expressed. Your boss’s hatred of you will seem irrational and may be sensed but not directly manifested.

There isn’t much you can do in these situations. Sometimes, a direct challenge might work but the same political behavior will be applied in your manager’s response.

Lack of Rapport

Rapport is the X-factor in a relationship. When two people have rapport, they get along very well and the relationship flourishes. This happens when you and your manager perceive situations, and people, in similar ways and you make similar decisions and judgments based on that perception. Communication is effective. There is cohesion. It’s a foundation of trust.

What about the lack of rapport? The opposite of the above is true. Relationships die at the point of inception when two people can’t communicate effectively or agree on anything. When two people have two parametrically opposite personality traits, then building rapport is almost impossible. If you are a positive person, but your boss is negative, then it will be tough. If you are introvert, but your manager is extrovert, then it will be tough. Get the picture?

I don’t recommend trying to be a person you are not, in order to overcome this. You will come unstuck at some point, and to be frank, you will be miserable and stressed. The best way forward, when faced with this problem, is to just keep working at it. A lack of rapport will diminish over time providing that you and your manager are trying to achieve the same thing. It will be a bumpy road – so expect that – but eventually it will smooth out.

You Don’t Do What Your Manager Expects You To Do

Have you become upset when a mechanic didn’t fix the problem with your car? How about when your credit card company didn’t switch off payment protection, even when you ticked the option? It’s the same when you don’t do what you said you would do. Your manager gets pissed.

In modern organizations, strategic goals are cascaded from the most senior executives to junior employees. Your manager’s objectives are dependent on you achieving your objectives… and so on. If you don’t achieve your goals, your manager doesn’t too.

Worse still, your manager’s reputation can be drawn through the mud. Your failure could be a direct hit on your boss’s credibility. If this failure is caused by forgetfulness, or bad judgment, or incompetence then you can expect your manager to be upset with you. Persistent failure like this can lead to total hatred!

A more dangerous ground to tread on is when you’re going hell for leather for a goal that is different to the one your manager expects. It’s dangerous because the point of realization that your expectations are different is towards the end of the project or assignment. You might get into this situation if you and your boss haven’t built rapport.

This situation may be a deliberate coup by your manager if they’re playing political games or if they perceive you as a threat. Unless your objectives are clearly understood in the same way between you, your manager has a ticket to call foul at any point.

Truth is, managers rarely resort to these shenanigans, but much more common is a surprise moment a long way into an assignment when both of you realize your mistake of a difference in expectation. This is why it’s vital that you and your manager agree specifics, with little (or no) room for different interpretation. Especially so if your performance management, and your bonus, depends upon it.

I believe that total alignment of expectations is the only way to avoid pissing off your boss, and indeed achieving what they expect from you. I recommend you take a look at your current assignments now and check with your manager that your intended output is what he or she expects.

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