I was hired by my boss’s boss for my current position. Promoted actually from within the company for a supervisory position that is part of a new division my company was sitting up. My boss came to us from outside of the company. I spoke to her once very briefly to ask when our training would be held. A few days later she called me back telling me that she had met and ‘hated’ my old supervisor. That she didn’t want me to complete my work for her and that she had also mistakenly interviewed someone else for my position and had wanted to put them in it – as though she were asking for my approval to do so, which I of course, declined to give. During training, she again mentioned to me that she would have preferred to have given my position to that other person and then, again, while visiting my location following training. She often refuses to answer my questions especially when the answer is vital to my performance and ranking among my peers. She accused me of falsifying time bc I had to send an employee home a few weeks into my new position for threat and not remembering the policy and having to act quickly, I told him I would pay him out for the day – thinking in my mind that I was suspending him with pay pending investigation. Telling me I did not need to file an incident report, she then, wrote the man who had hired me an email cc to me that stated I had falsified time, acted unprofessionally, should have taken him into the backroom before confronting him, etc – all facts that she had no knowledge of bc she had not allowed me to explain further thus, painting a very negative and inaccurate picture of the events of the day. I responded in kind letting her boss know she did not have the details to make that determination and that I felt this was a personal assault upon my character. Then, following up later to let him know the full details of how she just didn’t want me there. He responded that he has had to deal with many problems of this nature and would be calling me to discuss it, but I haven’t heard anything and she just keeps not answering my questions.

What should I do?

@Andre – thanks for sharing your story and my immediate reaction is that this must be incredibly frustrating for you.
Your new boss isn’t playing by the rules, it seems, by making accusations that are unsupported and to your subordinate. You should certainly retain copies of these emails, just in case you need to refer to them in the future.
My advice is to make sure that every communication is in writing between you (or any verbal communication summed up in an email.)
What you do next depends on whether you want to resolve the issue and build a relationship with your new boss, or dissolve your relationship and request a change in reporting line.
If you’re intent on resolution, then I would avoid a direct confrontation, but instead talk to your boss to say that you want to avoid a formal dispute and would like to find a way, between you, of accomodating each other. If you can get to that place, then you have a chance (providing you can let go of the ‘baggage’) of building a relationship of mutual respect.
If you want to change reporting, then you’ll need the involvement of HR and present a case for the change. I would certainly avoid any communication with your boss that isn’t directly concerned with the activities of your role (you must still do your job to avoid giving your boss an opportunity to put you under a performance management process!), and keep everything formal and through HR. Do you have a HR department that you would feel comfortable talking to?
I hope this helps Andre – if I can assist any further then contact me directly (details on About page).

Good Luck

Simon

The situation has both deteriorated and improved. Deteriorated because she, now, just leaves me out of communiques. My emails from her went from 20-30 a day to now, just what she has to forward from corporate.

Improved for the same reasons!

Her boss told me to let him know if she continues to treat me unfairly. Guess I’ll just have to wait until she tries to bust me out for not doing things she has not made me aware I should be doing and/or having my numbers in the toilet for the same reason.

Thanks for the ear and advice. I have seriously thought about transferring out of her jurisdiction, but that would mean moving out of this state and precluded from several others close by so, …a lot to think about!

@Andre – the fact you have the support of a senior manager is a reason to be confident this will be resolved in your favor, as long as you keep your nose clean and honor the terms of your employment contracts and performance objectives. You’ll be OK if you avoid providing your boss with a reason to get you into a disciplinary procedure!

As far as the communiques are concerned: if you have a buddy who *is* receiving them and will share the distribution list (which of course, you’re not on!) with you should you need it, then you’ll be protected against any trumped up charges against you, arising from you not having received the communiques.

Keep your head held high and don’t let her grind you down! You’re in a position of strength!

Simon

My boss has had a history of being difficult with women, a story that I didn’t believe when she hired me because she seems so excited to have a female on her team. My first few months on the job were extremely difficult. She is a very direct woman and had no problem telling me what I was doing wrong and would always do so in front of my co-worker. There were times that I felt like I was being verbally attacked. She would constantly change procedure and would forget and accuse me of completing my work incorrectly. If I didn’t save an email concerning any conversation she would dismiss me as making up a story. She would constantly question me on things waiting for an opportunity for my story to change to question my intelligence and my sanity. I was not afforded the same liberties as other departments in the building. If I wandered away from my desk I was always questioned why I was up. My personal phone was called during snow storms to demand where I was on the road because I needed to be in the office (when I arrived on several occassions I would learn that she was sitting at home for the day). My personal phone was called at all time when I traveled to check in. Things had improved for a short time because my co-worker actually quit. He was also subject to the constant tracking, checking up and hurtful criticisms and when he left he went above her head to confess to our CFO the reasons behind his departure. I stayed on and thought things would surely change after that. 4 months later and two new (male) hires and she is back to her old tricks. The guys I work with are shocked at how she speaks to me but only shake their heads that her wrath is directed at me. I have logged almost two year with the company and I think I have hit my end. I cannot continue to be micromanaged and not trusted. How can I have this conversation with this person who will only view my addressing of the situation as an attack?

My boss is always gruff and impersonal with me, turning her back to me when I ask a question or getting an obvious tone. while she is overly chummy and even flirty with some of the other (male)coworkers, even though I have three times as much education and experience as most of my co-workers,she gives the most respect and best work to her buddies. I feel I am being treated very unfairly, openly disrespected at times for no good reason, and if there is a real problem, it has not been mentioned. I have great evalutaions and attendance this job was improtant to me, but I am about to give up. I feel like she does not like me, and that if lay offs come I will be one of the first to go. I do not feel comfortable approaching her, so I just try to stay under her radar. I feel it harming my self confidnece and creating too much strees to deal with in a situation where I feel I have no power to combat. She is backed and allowed by the higher ups and encouraged with this unprofessional behavior. However, I do rely on her to assist with esacalated customer issues, and that is usually when the tiffs arise. The only thing I can think of is that maybe they are unhappy that I do not work mopre overtime. I am in school and cannot and do not want to work 12 hours per day.

Wish I had a response to your concerns Liza and Janet…Your stories do sound sad…or maybe just stressful and hard to deal with…same as mine…

I work for a University…with educated people who are mostly passionate about their jobs. However, my boss is a total slacker and definitely not a manager…but of course, that is none of my business…until she starts complaining about me for not helping her seem like she is doing work to her own bosses…so when we have a meeting or have to prepare reports or presentations – she quickly e-mails me and asks me to prepare something that she can review -that is her way of contributing to the piece – and then she sends it off, from her e-mail to the PIs…how unfair is that? One time, I asked a coworker to forward me an e-mail my boss send out to her boss after a long team meeting to which I contributed immensely and which I was not copied on…to find out that each paragraph started with “I” – she has given no credit to myself or the rest of the team. Since her bosses are in and out – maybe see her 2 hours a week in our team meeting, they have no clue how big of a slacker she is…so, when did this become relevant to me? I have confronted her about not including my name or the team in the e-mail saying that we should mention to her bosses that it was miscommunicated who contributed. One of my coworkers did, her bosses understood and wanted to move on with the meeting – however, my boss decides to stand up in the meeting, point at me and yell at me in front of everybody that I make accusations that are unfair and that she never meant it to sound a unfair. Her boss (my boss’s boss) quickly stepped in while I was being very quiet…and said to stop the non-sense because they understood that was team work. However, since that day my boss is been looking for every occasion to make me look bad. She forgets to add me in e-mails…smiles to my face and tells me I am greatly appreciated and needed…then goes behind my back to others at the work place (who are thank god my friends and she does not know that)…and tells them she is not sure about what my responsibilities are…and that I do not have much initiative…pretty much a lot of lies…but, she did mention something to her bosses in completely the wrong context that is affecting my current position. I have informed her of taking two weeks vacation in August and marked on the calendar in her office. She has given me the ok – especially coz she is taking a vacation in the same time…however, tonight I just got an e-mail from one of her bosses- the biggest boss on our project – saying that they were surprised to find out I am leaving at such an important time and that they were informed that I did not ask for permission at all – and that I should have asked them anyways, in addition to her – so she threw me under the bus…now they are questioning if they should pay me for my time since they need me here…and are questioning whether this will be my job in the fall…
She actually left already and her bosses want to meet me and discuss what I have been doing in the past two months and also talk about the traveling I will do in August.
I do not want to start talking bad about her to them because it will just be ugly and I don’t like to do that…but she is unfair! Plus, she should have communicated to them what each person is doing etc…but she seems to act confused when she has to explain to them about my work load…so at this point I am confused on what to do…friends from work who know the situation have advised me to speak up…write someone about my contributions and do talk about her slacker behavior – but I don’t think I can do that…what is your advice?
When I meet with them – what should my attitude be? You suggest above to avoid to be defensive and not too emotional…I will try…but I feel that is so unfair she takes credit for my work and that kinds implies I may be slacking…not sure how to deal with this one if not with emotion…

Also, I felt so bad to bring up a personal family issue that i have to deal with on my vacation – which is more of a family retreat that will deal with mourning of my mom and gradnma…hate it that I had to share that with people that barely know me!!! I do not want them to start feeling sorry for me or to think this is an excuse for slacking…which I am not…so, I did though, write them an e-mail with all the parts of the project that I have been working on in the past two months…and the explanation for my necessary vacation…

I am waiting for their response and for the meeting with them on Tuesday…

Please give me your opinions…

Thank you!!!

Hi Gabi. Thanks for sharing your story with us. Sheesh – it sounds like you have a very sly boss who is grossly unfair. You know, I get the sense that you are someone who works with integrity and cares about delivering a good result, and that makes it even harder to read about your situation! And it’s your integrity, passion to do the right thing and your desire to hit with a straight bat that I advise you to maintain that, as this is your irrefutable strength and base of power. You’re invincible if you always align to the truth! I also suggest you:

* Socialize as much as you can what you’re doing and your successes. Tell people what you have been asked to do (without sharing the difficult circumstances in which you were asked). The more truthful information there is out there, the less room there is for untruths.
* Don’t underestimate how perceptive people can be – sly people often give themselves away in their body-language and their eyes. Probably, people beyond your circle of friends know what your boss is like. It’s the inconsistencies of bahavior that people sense. Don’t feel that you’re totally alone, even if you can’t/won’t talk about her to other people.
* Any disciplinary or corrective action applied by the ‘organization’ (i.e. the channels your boss would have to go through) will be under a control regime. I doubt your boss would want that as it will mean she has to maintain a more complex web of lies to back her ‘official’ record up, so I doubt it will go that far. That is, unless you instigate it.
* From this point forward, maintain a log of everything you can provide evidence for. Get everything in writing if possible, i.e. your vacation requests and approvals. Communicate these to stakeholders beyond your boss if you believe it is relevant to them.
* I think an all-out assault on your boss could lead to a war that you may or may not win – or come out of unscathed. Discussing your bosses slacking behavior could be interpreted as ‘opinion’ rather than truth.
* As far as attitude goes: be solid in the knowledge that you are a good worker who operates with integrity. Feel strength in your conviction to do a good job off your own back. Don’t give in. Grit your teeth.
* If all else fails, use the system. Get HR involved, and if you are put on some form of ‘performance management’ track then shine through and show that you’re made of tougher stuff.
* Remember, just because she is your boss, it doesn’t give her the right to bully you. You have every right to assert yourself to her. If you can do it, speak openly and factually with her, and avoid accusations you can’t back up (as she will jump on those and you will then be on the back foot).

I wish I could be more help Gabi. I hope you can muster the strength to get through Tuesday and come out on top.

Simon

I thought I got my dream job when I got hired as a stylist at a well-paying salon. I love what I do but I cant take the way my manager treats me anymore. The problem is that she targets me while letting the other girls continue bad behavior. They can wear flip-flops and sit down and slack off while I’m the only one who she seems to enforce the rules on. I always wear the uniform and I dress modestly (unlike some of the other girls) and my sales are the only ones that are equal or more with the manager’s. I’m careful about my breaks and I never turn down or get rude with a customer. Yet she talks and laughs with the other girls, leaves me out of it, so I feel excluded. She wrote me up the other day because I didn’t know where to put the new retail products, and I was left alone so it didn’t get done. She asks the other girls questions about me like she’s trying to find a reason to fire me, and she talks bad about me when I’m not there. I’ve asked her if I need to improve on anything or if I’m doing anything wrong, but she always says I’m doing fine. I’ve told her that I find it a little hard to approach her sometimes but if there’s anything she needs me to change or improve on to just let me know. Every day I go in and I feel so trapped, i feel like I’m walking on eggshells all the time. Help please?

I’m the only female in an all male IT group. This is the worse situation I’ve been in. My male boss is insecure, talks over everyone and usually wants things his way, whether in conversation or a task. One guy openly argues with him, another after arguing – walks out of the building, while I brood quietly. He saids, I’m suppose to tell him what’s on my mind. So you guess it, I’m the one that he targets with a job bad review. I feel he is trying to get rid of me, except all my customers love my work and my boss knows it. I need to work, so what do I do? I don’t think I can repair the relationship with my boss, since I think as the lowest person in his group, he has already made up his mind about me and my ranking amongst the guys.